A note from DISCLOSURE eyes _25
To the Oval Office, and anyone considering a parade of “might”:
Hey Mr. President, and especially you, Mr. Trump, if you’re still dreaming of tanks rolling down Pennsylvania Avenue… remember that time we tried to have a “parade for unity and love” and it ended up looking suspiciously like a giant hand giving a high-five to a bunch of jazz musicians? Yeah, that’s our vibe. That’s the real American spirit!
Because honestly, “Wars are so 20th century.” Our parade, the one with actual unity and joy, is way better than your parade of, well, chaos. We’re not trying to intimidate anyone into friendship. We’re trying to vibe them into it!
So, a word of caution, fellas: Before you unleash the full force of our military’s hardware, just ask yourselves, “Is the joke on US?” (Spoiler alert: Usually, yes.) Maybe let’s just stick to parades that involve balloons, marching bands, and absolutely zero discussions about “disorder” or “disunity.” We’ve got enough of that already. Let’s send a message of unity, peace, love, and understanding. And maybe some really good hot dogs. Just a thought.
#NoMilitaryParade #UnityNotUniforms #TheJokeIsOnUsUnlessWeChangeThePunchline #DISCLOSUREeyes_25MayCan (Apparently!)
The Parade of ‘Peaceful Might’
Characters:
ANNOUNCER BERT: Overly enthusiastic, but increasingly confused.
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: Jaded and sarcastic, the voice of reason (or cynicism).
GENERAL PATTON-ESQUE FIGURE (GEN. P.E.): Pompous, obsessed with military grandeur.
DR. HARMONY (DR. H.): Bright, cheerful, and entirely focused on peace-building.
THE “PEACEMAKERS” BRIGADE: A motley crew with comically oversized tools for peace.
THE “UNITY” FLOAT CREW: People awkwardly trying to high-five each other.
OSCAR: A quiet, observant Vietnam veteran, visibly experiencing homelessness, perhaps carrying a worn, hand-drawn sign.
(Scene: A makeshift parade stand, decorated with slightly wilted red, white, and blue streamers. Sounds of a distant, out-of-tune marching band. ANNOUNCER BERT and ANNOUNCER ERNIE are at the microphone.)
ANNOUNCER BERT: (Beaming) Welcome, one and all, to the inaugural “Parade of American Might”! We’re here to celebrate… well, you know! Our sheer, unadulterated… might!
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (Under his breath, into the mic) And by “might,” we mean “the ability to trip over our own feet while carrying a very large flag.”
ANNOUNCER BERT: What was that, Ernie? Just the wind, I’m sure! Folks, get ready for a spectacle of power and… and… well, let’s just say “oomph”!
(GEN. P.E. strides up to the microphone, adjusting an absurdly large medal.)
GEN. P.E.: (Booming) Indeed! A glorious display of overwhelming strategic superiority! Today, we showcase the pinnacle of defensive capability! The might that ensures… (he gestures grandly) …no one ever looks at us funny!
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (Muttering) Unless they’re looking funny at how many times that float just stalled.
ANNOUNCER BERT: And here comes our first contingent! The “Ironclad Resolve” division! Look at those magnificent… (He squints) …are those… giant knitting needles?
(A group of individuals in slightly-too-large military-style uniforms marches by, each awkwardly carrying enormous, brightly colored knitting needles, some with half-finished scarves dangling.)
GEN. P.E.: (Confused) Knitting needles? What in the name of…?! I distinctly ordered the “Peace Through Superior Firepower” unit!
(DR. HARMONY, a woman with a perpetually optimistic smile and a flower in her hair, floats up to the microphone, gently nudging GEN. P.E. aside.)
DR. H.: Oh, those are the Peacemakers Brigade! We found that knitting circles are incredibly effective at conflict resolution! Nothing diffuses tension like a shared project and a good yarn. Plus, everyone gets a cozy scarf!
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (To mic) So, less “shock and awe,” more “stitch and soothe.” Got it.
GEN. P.E.: (Spluttering) But where are the tanks?! The fighter jets?! The… the unapologetic display of force?!
DR. H.: (Chuckles) Oh, General, those are so last century! We’re celebrating a new kind of might! The might of understanding! The might of dialogue! The might of… really good artisanal sourdough bread! (She holds up a loaf.) Freshly baked by our “Culinary Diplomacy” unit!
(The “Culinary Diplomacy” unit passes, pushing a giant, wheeled oven, wafting the smell of bread.)
ANNOUNCER BERT: (Sniffs) Mmm, that does smell quite mighty!
GEN. P.E.: (Eyes narrowing) This is an outrage! This is not the parade I envisioned! Where is the deterrence?!
DR. H.: Our deterrence is irresistible friendship! Imagine, General, trying to declare war on someone who just gave you a perfectly proofed baguette and offered to help you learn interpretive dance! It’s simply impossible!
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (Sarcastically) I mean, she’s got a point. You can’t invade a country that just taught you how to make kombucha.
ANNOUNCER BERT: And look! Here comes the “Unity and Love” float! It’s so… sparkly!
(A comically oversized hand-shaped float, adorned with stars and stripes, lumbers by. People on the float are attempting to high-five each other, but keep missing or slapping too hard.)
FLOAT CREW MEMBER 1: (Straining) High five! C’mon, a little higher!
FLOAT CREW MEMBER 2: (Wincing) Ow! You nearly took my eye out, Brenda! This unity thing is harder than it looks!
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (Deadpan) “Hey, high 5 to US, celebrate and parade for unity and love!” Indeed. Looks like more of a “low five and an ice pack” situation.
GEN. P.E.: (Frantically waving at the passing float) My grand vision of the “Steel Fist of Freedom” is being replaced by… by… a giant foam hand?!
(As the “Unity” float moves past, the camera briefly focuses on OSCAR, a quiet Vietnam veteran, sitting on a worn blanket slightly off to the side, watching the parade with a weary expression. He holds a hand-drawn sign that simply reads: “JUSTICE?”)
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (Quietly, eyes fixed on Oscar, then back to the mic, a hint of steel in his voice) You know, Bert, when we talk about “might,” sometimes we forget about the real strength of a nation. It’s not just what you project outwards, but how you treat those who’ve borne the brunt of past “might.” Guys like Oscar, who served… where’s their parade? Where’s their justice?
DR. H.: (Nodding gravely, looking at Oscar with compassion) Exactly, Ernie. The biggest joke isn’t on them, General, it’s on us if we keep pretending that the old ways are the only ways! The joke is on us, and we better laugh! But while we’re laughing, we also need to remember who’s been left behind, and ensure their peace, their dignity. Because when we truly come together, we’re building bridges, not walls, and caring for everyone under that bridge.
(DR. H. winks at the camera, while GEN. P.E. collapses into a chair, muttering about the glory days of tanks. The “Unity” float finally connects a massive, resounding high-five, followed by a collective cheer. The out-of-tune marching band plays a slightly more upbeat, but still off-key, tune as the “Peacemakers” Brigade accidentally tangles their knitting needles, creating a giant, colorful, yarn-based obstacle course. Oscar slowly shakes his head, a small, knowing smile playing on his lips, then folds his sign.)
ANNOUNCER BERT: (Clapping enthusiastically, though a bit subdued now) Well, folks, that was… certainly a parade! A powerful display of… something!
ANNOUNCER ERNIE: (Sighs contentedly) Yeah. The might of not taking ourselves too seriously. And honestly? I’ll take a warm loaf of bread and a roof over Oscar’s head over a ballistic missile any day.
(Fade out with the sound of cheerful, if clumsy, high-fives and the faint aroma of sourdough.)
