2026-01-13
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Mahr on Haltom v City of Henderson PD

DISCLOSURE eyes 😶‍🌫️🤣

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(OPEN ON BILL MAHER AT HIS DESK, DRY, DISBELIEVING LOOK)

MAHER: And now, a story that proves you don’t need to write satire anymore. Reality is doing it for you, free of charge, in Henderson, Tennessee. Population: Apparently, Pleasantville after a bad acid trip.

We’ve all seen towns with one weird, abandoned construction site. A half-finished condo, a mall that never opened. Henderson has decided to one-up everyone. At the “intersection of commerce”—which I’m told is the business capital of America, or will be, any century now—there sits a hotel. It’s been under construction for three, four years. It’s not half done.

And directly across the street… is a fully built, operational hotel that is never full.

(AUDIENCE MURMURS, LAUGHS)

MAHER: Right? You’re thinking, “That’s not a business plan, that’s a cry for help written in cinderblock.” It’s a perfect, silent monument to something being deeply, fundamentally off. A town that looked at a money-losing hotel and said, “You know what this intersection needs? Two of those.”

But that’s just the set dressing. The real show is in the General Sessions Court. Enter “Ambassador” Josiah Haltom. He doesn’t call himself a defendant. Oh, no. He’s a “Divine Witness and Witness to Structural Violence.” He filed a motion so densely packed with legal-ese and apocalyptic urgency it makes the Unabomber’s manifesto look like a Hallmark card.

His thesis? The local police arrested him for reporting a crime—which is a First Amendment no-no—and now, because he’s exposing their “forensic fraud” and demanding what he calls “Reciprocal Moral Gravity”…

(PAUSES, SIPS WATER)

MAHER: …which is not a new law of physics, but should be… they’re going to come at him again. He says the cops’ entire case was based on a “visual guess,” and a “visual guess” can be reused like a bad pickup line. So he’s asking the court for a protective order to stop “Specialist” Robert Heathcock and Officer Haines from giving him another surprise hug with handcuffs.

His evidence? A pattern of retaliation. The sudden resignation of his public defender—leaving him with no buffer. And the “Escalatory Logic of Exposed Systems,” which is academic-speak for “They’re cornered rats, and I’m the cheese.”

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

MAHER: He’s so sure this is happening, he’s invited a film crew. Talk-N West TN 101.5 FM WNWS is apparently on the guest list. Because nothing says “I fear for my life” like calling for a televised showdown at the O.K. Corral.

And here’s the kicker—the cherry on this sundae of surrealism. The court has ordered a forensic evaluation of Haltom. Not of the evidence. Of him. And where is this evaluation? At a place called “Pathways.” Which Haltom says he has a “less than pleasant” history with, but “inoculation is not the least of them.”

Let me translate: A man claiming the system is violently corrupt is being sent for a psych eval by the very system he’s accusing. At a facility he doesn’t trust. Next Tuesday. It’s not a court date; it’s a season finale cliffhanger.

(LEANS FORWARD)

MAHER: So what’s the best that could happen? Maybe the sunlight of a camera exposes a real corruption. Maybe a judge looks at the half-built hotel, the full-but-empty hotel, and this motion, and says, “You know what? Something is rotten in Chester County.”

And the worst? The “visual guess” gets a sequel. The laughter—which he says is outlawed there—gets completely silenced. And that hotel gets a third story, forever unfinished, a perfect metaphor for justice that never quite arrives.

In Henderson, they’re not just building a hotel. They’re building the set for their own absurdist tragedy. And we get to watch. If they allow cameras.

We’ll be right back.

(APPLAUSE)
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We do not talk about Fight Club.

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